


better in time

by oikawasus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 12:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawasus/pseuds/oikawasus
Summary: i’m yours eternally, baekhyun





	better in time

The sound of Baekhyun’s phone ringing woke him up with a jolt. Baekhyun sat up in his bed, strands of unwashed hair sticking to his forehead and his sheets a mess. His muscles ached from the little amount of movement he’d achieved in the last week, and his eyes were swollen and heavy.

The ringtone from his phone sounded like an alarm in his ears, and his head was beginning to pound from the noise. He grabbed it off the nightstand and clicked answer, mostly just to stop the pounding. He held it to his ear.

“Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun didn’t answer, a disgusting cough escaping his throat.

The voice sighed, and Baekhyun couldn’t tell if they were relieved or disappointed. It didn’t matter. “It’s Jongdae. Are you there?” Baekhyun gave a small grunt to let him know he was listening, and Jongdae continued, “Hey, Baek, how do you feel?” His voice was softer now, quieter.

Baekhyun hesitated. Jongdae knew how he felt, and anger bubbled in his chest at Jongdae for asking him. “Like shit.” He said, voice almost inaudible. He hadn’t spoken more than a few words in almost 2 weeks, and he didn’t trust himself to speak any louder than a whisper.

Jongdae was quiet for a while, and Baekhyun began to think he had hung up, until he heard a breath from the other boy. “Baekhyun..” His voice was faint, but firm, “You have to get up. Do something. It’s been months.. You can’t keep living like this. It isn’t healthy. It’s not-“ He hesitated, his voice somehow quieter, “You’re not going to bring him back.”

Baekhyun knew that, but his heart still caught in his throat. He’d cried so much lately that it hurt to now, so he only managed a dry hiccup.

“Take care of yourself, Baek. Please. Clean up, eat something. You deserve it.” He almost sounded desperate. “Please.”

Baekhyun fisted his hands in the sheets and hiccuped again. “Okay.” He whispered finally.

“Promise?”

“Yeah.”

Baekhyun waited for Jongdae to say something else, or to hang up, but he didn’t, so Baekhyun pressed end himself. He clicked the off button and tossed his phone across the room, not bothering to see where it landed.

Baekhyun fell back against the sheets, his petite frame looking even smaller against the large mattress. His fingers were starting to ache from where they were squeezed tightly around the cloth, but he couldn’t bring himself to move them.

He hiccuped a third time, but this time it came out as more of a dry sob. He choked, pathetic cries racking his body until he was almost screaming. Baekhyun grabbed the pillow beside his head and pressed it to his face, screaming until his dehydrated throat was burning. He screamed, and screamed, and eventually it died out into pitiful whimpers. He didn’t feel any better, but he hadn’t really expected to. His life was hanging on by a thread, and there was nothing he could do.

_Take care of yourself, Baek. Please. Clean up, eat something. You deserve it._

Jongdae’s words echoed in his head, causing it to throb again. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve anything. But Chanyeol would want him to take care of himself, wouldn’t he? He had to take care of himself, because now Chanyeol wasn’t there to do it for him.

Baekhyun sat up again, the rawness of his throat causing him to grimace. He swallowed and kicked the sheets back to climb out of bed, figuring he’d put something in his stomach. He padded across his room and out into the kitchen, which looked like someone hadn’t touched it in months. The lights were off, there were dirty dishes in the sink, and random cabinets had been flung open.

Baekhyun walked to the fridge, which was mostly empty, save a few eggs, a carton of milk, and a candy bar. He snatched the candy bar off the top shelf and tore it open, swallowing it down in a few bites. He threw it up in the shower 20 minutes later, but at least he’d had food in him for a little while.

His shower was long, considering it had been almost a week since his last one. He smelled like sweat and vomit, and his black hair had almost matted to his forehead and nape. Baekhyun scrubbed everything as clean as he could, and the warm water felt incredible on his swollen eyes and chapped lips.

He stepped out onto the cold tile after almost an hour and grabbed a towel from the cabinet. He nearly shattered when he realized who’s it was, but he couldn’t have another break down today. Not now.

He took a deep breath and wrapped it around his shivering body, stepping out of the stuffy bathroom and into the hall. He walked the distance to his bedroom, scrounging his floor for something clean to wear. _I really need to clean_ , he thought to himself, picking up a clean pair of boxers and a long-sleeve shirt that wasn’t his.

He dried the water droplets out of his hair and dropped to his knees, wincing from the bruises that had formed after hours of vomiting in front of the toilet bowl. He reached an arm under his bed, sweeping around for a pair of pajama shorts or sweatpants. He shivered when his hand bumped something hard and cold, wrapping his fingers around the edges and tugging it into view.

It was a book; Chanyeol’s, to be more specific. It had been his journal, which Baekhyun hadn’t seen him write in since they had started dating years ago. Baekhyun pressed his lips together and lifted it to his chest, forgetting about the pants and climbing into his bed.

His fingers shook as he ran his finger along the spine, indented from how many times it’d been opened. Baekhyun inhaled through his nose and flipped a few pages in.

  
_august 30, 2010_  
_i’ve been in school a few days. it’s my first year of high school, and it’s okay. i don’t really know anyone yet. sehun went to a different high school. i miss him a little bit. anyways im still new to this writing thing and i dont know how i feel about it but ill keep updating  
pcy_

  
Baekhyun’s fingers had stopped shaking a bit, and he flipped a few more pages.

  
_september 15, 2010_  
_schools horrible. i made some sort of a friend, but i think i’ve already ruined it. i was freaking out at my locker because i lost my history book and he offered me his and i accidentally turned too fast and elbowed him in the cheek. he said it was fine and he still gave me his history book, but i feel horrible, he was so pretty. he had brown hair and droopy eyes and the prettiest smile i’ve ever seen. i also just realized i never asked for his name  
pcy_

  
_september 17, 2010_  
_his name is baekhyun  
pcy_

  
Baekhyun felt a watery smile spread across his lips as he read. He remembered that, when Chanyeol had elbowed him in the face and stared at him so long Baekhyun had thought he’d said something wrong. Baekhyun pushed the thought away. He flipped a few more pages to the next year.

  
_november 2, 2011_  
_i finally asked baekhyun out, and he said yes?? i kind of blurted it, and i’m surprised he understood me, but he seemed excited enough. he also kissed me on the cheek and i probably looked like a fish out of water. he had to stand on his toes. anyways, i like him a lot. i really can’t fuck this up  
pcy_

  
Reading the words made Baekhyun feel warm, like Chanyeol hadn’t really left at all. His fingers had stopped shaking completely, and he wasn’t holding the book with such a tight grip anymore. He flipped through the pages until he found the last page Chanyeol had written on. The page before it was dated almost 2 years before, so Chanyeol must’ve forgotten about his journal, or something.

  
_january 25, 2017  
remember how i said i was going to marry him? well, i’m really doing it. soon, hopefully. i don’t have the money to afford a ring or a wedding or a fancy suit, but he told me that he doesn’t care about that. i believe him. but he deserves all of it. he deserves someone who can buy him the fancy suits or someone who can even afford a birthday gift. i don’t deserve him._

_but i’m greedy. i want to spend the rest of my life with him and have him all to myself. i don’t know how he ended up with someone like me, or how he’s still here after all these years, but i’m forever thankful. i wouldn’t trade anything in the world for these years with you, baekhyun. you mean everything to me and more, and i’ve never met anyone who makes me feel more alive than you do. i love you. and if you don’t feel the same, just know i mean it._

  
Baekhyun clamped and hand over his lips, think tears rolling down his swollen cheeks.

  
_i’m eternally yours, baekhyun  
pcy_

 

**Author's Note:**

> >:( sorry


End file.
